Life Under Construction

Lately, I’ve encountered health issues left and right —-
not on my person but with people I’m close to… It might seem strange or bizarre
when you guys know that I’m taking up Nursing. I guess what’s different is this time I’m emotionally involved with
these people. My pal in particular is
going through hormonal imbalance. I
don’t know who’s more freaked out…. Her friends or she. To start of, she has ten lumps - 6 on her
right breast and the other 4 on her left. A year ago she was checked by this male doctor who just said her breasts
were fibrocystic – meaning they just have the tendency to form a lump or
two. She had her doubts so got them
checked again. Man, from 2 lumps to 10!
Jeez, fibrocystic lang pala ha! Hmmph,
the importance of a second opinion… Trust your gut feel talaga! The
technician who did the scan recommended a biopsy – meaning taking out tissue
sample from each lump.  I can’t help
imagining Mary’s heart with all those swords stuck in it. My pal immediately scheduled an appointment 2
days after for a biopsy – with a female surgeon this time. To everyone’s relief, the female surgeon (a
specialist in breast surgery) after studying the scan results said they were
benign. The surgeon recommended having a
mammotone (?) done if my pal still wanted samples taken out but it wasn’t
really necessary. My pal wanted to make
sure this wouldn’t be a problem in the future so she said she’ll do it if the
lumps don’t get smaller with meds. And so we live=) Immediately watched a movie
to celebrate – Step Up. Haay, nothing
like a dance movie to liven the spirits. We thought it was over…. Hindi pa pala…

Come the weekend, gal pal starts bleeding down there… You’d normally
think this is just her period. But no,
she just had her period – what’s this?! Yes, she’s the regular kind. So, we went to an ER where a handsome doc
checks on her. What is pampalubag-loob?
Hehehe… Going back, he recommends seeing an OB-Gyne and gives an order for
painkillers and hemostan. So, we go back
to the OB. Man, I haven’t gone through this many rounds of medical facilities
with a friend as a patient before. When
you’re a student nurse, it’s always just checking on vital signs or filling out forms behind a desk for strangers. Reminds me of the time Papa had to go through a triple bypass – which
went beautifully well. Thank God! The main difference is I wasn’t the one
accompanying my dad to his checkups. My
dad’s pretty competent - he’s thoroughly done research on his ailment and was
well enough to drive himself. If not,
there was always my mom. It’s weird how
I still see my parents as superbeings. You have to admit – you don’t just start walking and going to church two
weeks after going through open heart surgery. Yes, my papa did just that. There
were several factors to consider. He
doesn’t work at an office – yes, he’s a house husband. He did self-treatment… he’s always been a
health nut – addict nga lang sa Lapid’s chicharon at crispy pata. Go figure! Of course, he dropped that addiction immediately then went through this
herbal thing with some gurus in the province for a couple of months. Yep, he
was prepared for the whole ordeal so the healing process was miraculously
fast. My mom with her hectic schedule
and stress-filled work is surprisingly fit – slim, trim and healthy… Her fave foods aren’t fatty, creamy,
processed or sugar sweet. Sometimes, I
just want to groan at the unfairness of it all… hehehe, tama bang mainggit sa
mudra? My parents are truly blessed.
Cant help but be thankful;p  

Wow, napahaba ang segway ko…. Going back to gal pal, the OB
just told her to treat it as an ordinary period and to go through meds to treat
her hormonal imbalance – So that’s what it was! To explain, this happens to a woman when hormones usually secreted or
produced during night time (when you’d normally sleep) stops production
altogether leaving a woman in this kind of mess we’re looking at. Haay, the trouble of living a call center
life… It wasn’t really a surprise to gal
pal since she had an episode a few years back, but the symptoms now are just too
hard to take. Talk about cancer
scare! Ako nga, di ko alam kung bakit di pa rin bumabagsak
ang katawan ko sa sked ko… I’m thinking
it’s just plain divine providence. In
fairness, the effects on me are more on the mental/intellectual side. What is sabog forever?! I’m not going to tempt fate though. I will be
focusing on my studies by summer next year. Yes, I plan to live a normal life again. Our bodies can only take so much — I don’t want to test my limit. Mahirap na, only one life to live so might as
well take care of it. After going
through these rounds in medical facilities with the point of view of a client,
I’ve come to an important realization. It’s time to max out my HMO card. I’ve taken it for granted because I seem pretty healthy. Honestly, the only time I used one was for my
dad – for his bypass years ago… Maxicare, eTelecare, I love you both!   

Once my sked lightens, I swear to go through
the whole hoopla of checkups every female yuppie should have. Girls, tigilan na ang pagiging maselan – kayo
rin, baka kung ano nang meron kayo! Hehehe, ako muna – I’m sure yun ang comeback ng mga bruha kong kaibigan… Tomorrow, I plan to get papa checked at a Healthway
facility… He’s having back pains that
seem unrelated to his heart issues. Please pray for him. Thanks to my
adventures with gal pal I’m gonna make this company benefit work for me.

Hehehe… my PC’s alive!  And I’m naming it Vader;p  What is inspired by Star Wars? After a week of just trying to turn on Vader, it finally worked.  And here I thought I needed to troubleshoot;p  Maybe it just needed a well-deserved vacation hehehe…

Came from lector renewal at Resu.  Was late ‘coz I came from work but I dont think I missed much… Father was just explaining the influence of pagan worship to the Catholic faith  The symbolism that the early Church took from pagan worship to make it easier to explain Christianity to new recruits.   It is pretty interesting considering how the Church is against the Da Vinci Code. The book is pretty harmless when I think about it.  I think the Catholics who volted after reading the book are just trying to find a way out of their faith.  Come on, if you do enough research on Dan Brown’s theories - they’d be nullified.   It’s really a question of  how deep your faith is rooted.  Still boggled by the thought?  Yes, I’m a lector.  Sabi ko nga, it’s the scales… A Catholic with a thing for Signs;p As usual, the renewal was ended by a mass where the choir sang one of my favorite songs ‘Huwag Kang Mangamba’.   This is the one song that will never fail to bring tears to my eyes.  I’ve always had this firm belief that God never fails us - we fail Him.   That for every struggle that we go through, He is there by our side.  Nothing is too difficult for me to face if I’m with Him despite my doubts, my fears and my frailties.  Human love will always have limits but never God’s. To those who haven’t heard it yet, here’s the lyrics.  I hope you get to hear it some day.  Francisco made the melody simple yet beautiful.

Huwag Kang Mangamba

Koro: Huwag kang mangamba, ‘di ka nag-iisa. Sasamahan kita, saan man magpunta. Ika’y mahalaga sa ‘King mga mata. Minamahal kita, minamahal kita.

Tinawag kita sa ‘yong pangalan. Ikaw ay akin magpakailanman. Ako ang Panginoon mo at Diyos. Tagapagligtas mo at Tagatubos (Koro)

Sa tubig kita’y sasagipin; sa apoy, ililigtas man din. Ako ang Panginoon mo at Diyos. Tagapagligtas mo at Tagatubos (Koro)

Based on the title, you can tell I’m pretty miffed…  Technology is something I’m usually not … against?  Jeez, I can’t find the right word.  Anyway, this rage comes from my HD grade.  I got 53/100. There, I said it.  At first I was dumbstruck.  I knew the exam was harder than prelims but not to the point I’d go below 70.  Ok, I’m a bit proud of my iq - I’ll go with average but never below.  It’s kinda hard when you’ve been raised knowing that was your asset.  And after reading 7 chapters over two days… causing a slight migraine.  At the very least, I was expecting to pass.  Ever proactive, I compared the correct answers to the ones on my test paper - ok, i went over it 5 times.  What is obsessed?  Final score is 73. 73! That’s a 20-item difference!  Aaaarrrrrggggghhhh!!! I know that there’s such a thing as human error but I’d rather have that than this!  Of course, I brought it up to my prof who said he’ll do the necessary adjustments… I dont know what he means by that  since they cant recheck it.  The score calculated by the machine is supposed to be final. It’s quite embarassing that I almost cried in front of my prof.  Reminds me of Philosophy 104 with Dr. Calasanz- but I was really not a deep thinker - mababaw talaga ako…  This, this is unjustifiable!  I don’t care if that stupid checking machine couldnt read my shading.  Damn it!  I’ve made sure to shade correctly since I shaded too hard during Prelims. Now, I’m getting crap…  Ewan ko ba, wala namang problema yung iba kong tests which were btw, quite ok;p   After class with stormclouds metaphorically and literally above me, I went to LM’s dorm.  I couldn’t really rant to my classmates as much because I’ll be seen as well, you know…  On the way to her dorm,  I was soaked (darn, forgot my umbrella) over walking two blocks.  Jeeps to Espana were nowhere to be seen at the regular stop so I had to walk some more - can I get any wetter?  A speeding jeep splatters mud over my back.  One leg gets into a deep puddle (buti na lang hindi manhole)… This is no joke when you’re wearing white.  Good thing it was washed away by the rain too- that’s how strong the rain was.  Jeez, was it really just my luck last Friday?  What is channeling Lindsay Lohan’s character?!  Finally I make it to LM’s dorm and poured out the dreary story to my sis.  Buti na lang may pampalit pa siya.

I thought the machine problem ended last friday…. but no, my very own computer went down!  arrgh, that storm!  I was on the system thinking it was protected since we were on dsl.  There was a blink and everything turned back on except my system.  It was Saturday and I was seeking some comfort in surfing the net then this happens.  After coming from gruesome Friday and a tiring shift at work, I didnt have the energy to troubleshoot… I’m still too lazy to troubleshoot even today.  Just came from NBI to get my clearance renewed.  Yes, I’m at the office on my VL just to use a computer… jeez. This VIP project is really pretty troublesome and I think pretty stupid.  Ok,  so one of our people at India cheated on his/her resume.  Isn’t it HR’s job to screen people?  Isn’t it enough that they check our credit history before we get in?  The credit history bit - that came from a friend;p

Hmm, just to put some positive vibe into this ranting blog…  I watched ‘You Are The One’ with good pal, Ing, last Sunday.  We had LM and her bf, Kiko, with us… Hehehe, napilitan si Kiko dahil nabili ko na yung tickets… Don’t worry Kiko, the movie will not unman you in any way;p  I really liked the movie.  Sam Milby has talent.  The storyline is more original than your regular Pinoy film.  Malalim rin siya at realistic.  Bilib na ako sa Pinoy screenwriter/s nito.  There’s the expected singing and dancing bit with a twist.  Even the final kissing scene has a twist…  I wonder if Tony has it in her contract that she’s not allowed to french kiss…  tsk, tsk, sayang naman.  But, the lack of, didnt minimize the romance of the film…  Bilib ako dahil pasadong pasado sa censors despite the playboy image projected by Sam on the film (hmm, yummy yung body;p).  All in all, it was a wholesome, enjoyable movie that just gets to the heart of moi.  Can’t wait for Maging Sino Ka Man - jeez, it looks like I need to bring a bunch of tissues for that one… As a final note,  I bought the closed black pair of platform/stilletos.  Turns out, they were the final pair.  Nung una, wala na sa display.  Buti tinanong ko sa salesperson.  Tinago na pala nila.  Yipee, naabutan ko pa=) Hmm, there goes my weekend…  I still have my first duty at ER to tell but I’ll save that for the next blog.  Gotta get home for some beauty rest;p   

Window shopping (ukay2, bookstores, boutiques, retail shops), reading friends’ blogs, writing on my own blog, reading romance novels, singing like crazy, briskwalking around the park in the middle of the night, staying quiet inside the chapel, eating like there’s no tomorrow, listening to music, watching a movie, playing badminton or scrabble, listening to other people’s problems, working out at the gym, fixing my room, washing the plates, studying…. anything to take my mind off a frustrating reality.  Escapism can be good as a temporary fix.  Cramming  makes me set my priorities straight.  There’s always the need for that rush.  Isolation from friends is also a good idea once in a while, because you wonder if you’re actually living your own life or you’re just promoting theirs.  Maybe both… but sometimes, it feels like its just the latter…  Doesnt  it feel great to write on and on without anyone bugging you with corrections re the flow of your narrative?  The thoughts of a bangag mind=) Re a pair of platform shoes I saw yesterday, tiis-tiis lang… Let’s see how long I can last before grabbing them hehehe… I can’t believe I even walked away.  A shoe store just came up with a line of platform/stilletos that are comfy and under P1k.  Quite unbelievable.  I’m choosing between two pairs - peep-toe or closed?  subtle or shiny?  both leather but the closed one has a bit of gamusa. The sales clerk said the peep-toe was better but i don’t usually have pedicured toes so… I don’t know… I’ll probably drag a girlfriend inside and get her opinion.  haay… choices, choices… it’s really a love-hate relationship… there, my hair’s dry… could finally go to sleep, ciao!

Arrgh… I’ve done it again=P  The devil has gone lose inside the candy store! This is the guilt a compulsive shopper always has at the end of a spree.  Nevermind if it was just 2 or 20 items…  The point is I went off my budget again.   Of course when you’re actually in the store, you tend to rationalize that ‘hey, it’s classic!  I’m sure I’ll be able to use it’ (Nevermind that I actually wear a skirt once a month only) ‘That bolero…  Just my  favorite shade - mustard yellow!’  Yes, your honor, guilty as charged.  Here are a couple of other rationalizations which will probably make Sir Pineda, my Human Behavior professor proud;p   ’Sa ukay-ukay ko naman binili kaya okay lang…  Sabi ko na nga ba, kundi ako nauna kukunin nung ale na yun!  Hmmph… mas bagay siya sa ‘kin!’ hehehe… ang sama ng bruhang ito, but hey, it’s the truth mwahahaha…=)  Yes, I have a thing for drowning in a pile of oldies to discover hidden treasures… it depends on how you define treasures.  As you can see, hindi ako maselang tao… as long as it fits me well and I truly like it, why not?  I’ll soak it in detergent and clorox if needed.  As for shoes, there’s always lysol and I could have the lining changed - nevermind that the cost of the lining is almost the price of the shoes.  Haay, I knew it… I should’ve put my salary straight to my credit card payment but no, I have to wait for my cycle date to move.  With the way things are going,  I won’t get anything in by the time the cycle changes=P 

Anyway, how did this happen to me again?  I was supposed to be on my way home from Fabella  hospital duty when I passed by the new Ukay2 store beside Jollibee Sucat.  So, all you ukay2 lovers out there!  I suggest you go and check out the pieces.  They even have Miss Sixty (low rise, semi-flare pa - even those skinny jeans that are the craze for skinny legged people of course…), Levi’s  jeans and that whole caboodle of tops - some of them a bit more updated than usual… That’s the reason why I got the bolero.  So, just go-go-go! If you’re not the type to be bludgeoned by your conscience;p

Yun nga lang, the frustrating thing about shopping here (apart from the dent on my budget) is the matter of size.  I’ve gained a couple of inches and it’s such a big difference!  Talk about thunder thighs again… jeez!   Syempre, di ka makahingi ng bigger size…  mahirap talaga nang weird ang shape.  I don’t have hips but my thighs are humongous — well, they are to me…  hehe, I can hear my friends saying otherwise… that’s sweet of you gals — huli ko kayo noh?! mwahaha…  Kaya nga planong bumalik ng gym ‘pag tapos na ang duty - kung hindi tatamarin;p  Diet pills don’t seem to work on me.  It’s as if my body taunts me  ‘Hey, i’m doing my job as far as your metabolism is concerned.  You’re just eating too much!’  Reminds me of those Safeguard konsensya commercials…  To my male readers, it’s really a girl thing.

Speaking of girl things,  I have this distorted sense of fashion.  I can appreciate beauty - I read Preview!  That should be a good sign. I have to agree, it’s the fashion bible of the Philippines;p But, I have the tendency to go overboard sometimes…  It’s gone to the point that when I wore a scarf to work because of a sore throat, my teammates thought I was just making a fashion statement! hmm, there’s really something going on with us Pinoys.  Case in point, we’re a tropical country but we are terribly lacking when it comes to swimwear (good thing, there are a couple more alternatives now other than speedo).   And scarves?  hello, almost all of us have been to Baguio, right?  What can I say, let’s promote Filipino First=)   Most of us have the tendency to just play it safe when it comes to clothing.  Thank God for fashion magazines!  I feel vindicated somehow — not that I’m a total fashionista;p  I guess, it just gave me an excuse to go and wear something I’m comfortable in without being questioned as much… 

Wow, I’ve covered a lot of ground for today…. Buti na’t tumigil, baka
maubusan na ko ng kuwento;p  Not that I don’t mind sharing… My life’s
pretty much an open book…  Ok, ok, it’s too long already… Till my
next blog, VAVOOM!

I would like to congratulate a girl friend who’s finally moving out of home=) Out of the complicated home life that’s been bugging her.  What an understatement!  I consider it quite an accomplishment since Pinoys in general aren’t the type to move out of their family home unless they’re working in a faraway location.  To think, children even raise their children in their parents’ home. Not that I have anything against that… Minsan talaga nagigipit ang tao.  BUT you could only live with your parents for so long.  I can’t wait for the day myself. Have your own space. Nobody bugging you to clean…  Reverse psychology talaga - I’d rather move when I’m not forced.  Think of that, no curfew!  Unless your landlady is the strict kind.  Nevermind the nosy neighbors.  It’s your life anyway.  Even the challenge of paying your own bills=)  No mama to catch you each time you’re in a tight spot, which I’m guilty of by the way.  It’ll teach me a lot.  What is anticipation?  Napaisip lang ako dahil sa chikahan namin ngayong gabi.  Daydreaming nanaman…  Hopefully in 3 years - I know, i know, malayo pa ‘yon but it’s always good to have a goal in front of you…

Yup, midterms is over! I think I did ok except for CM…  but I’m not going to obsess over it… It’s done.  Swear, I’ve got friends who will analyze a test right after.  I don’t, not really.  I’ll just get mad thinking of my mistake.  It’s done, it’s finished… get over it! 6 more weeks to go and it’s sem break.  Wow, something to look forward to…  We’ll be going back to Fabella this coming Monday - do pericare, breastcare, the whole caboodle;p  After a week in Fabella, we go back to Malabon.  This time we’ll be placed in ER. Good luck sa amin! Baka ako ang maging pasyente, mwahahaha…
I’ve just gone through another of my obsessing moments a couple of days ago.  I’m glad I’m over it. I’d like to thank my gals for helping me through another crisis (hehehe, what is practicing HB lessons online).  P, Ing, Lars, Fe, Tin, LM & Ma - love ya!
Hmm… nothing new.  Just a couple of nights spent reviewing and then blacking out during exam… speaking of which, I was falling asleep during my CCM exam yesterday.  Wow, first time ko lang makakatulog DURING the exam… hahaha, sana hindi napansin nung proctor at nung nangongopya sa kin.  Yes, halata ka! mwahahaha… Good luck na lang at sobrang bangag ang kinokopyahan mo - walang sisihan sa grade;p  Yeah, I had work the night before but I’m on my feet… barely.  So , that’s it for this week.   Hope everyone enjoys their paycheck this weekend- just make it last till the next one! Mwah=)

This is something I wrote … I think two weeks ago after our phone line went down.   Just wanted to post it.  Sayang naman, tinype ko rin itech;p  Here it goes…

Don’t we just wonder how the body balances itself out time
and time again? How mental translates to the physical just when we need a valid
excuse? Hehehe, talk about suffering constipation when your
date is just not for you;p Or when my
itchy & scratchy show appears when crabs, shrimps and lobsters do… My body just did a trip on me last Friday
afternoon. In between CM and HD classes,
my vision started blurring… next thing I know, I was feeling dizzy, head starts
throbbing and my tummy going out of sorts…. Yikes! What is sure to follow is a two-hour roller
coaster that will have everything in my tummy going out in both directions…
Lesson to be learned – don’t overeat — avoid dairy products (for migraine)—
and get as much sleep as possible. If
there is one thing I envy in bulimic girls, it’s their ability to barf and be
done with it as quickly as possible. I
would be living inside a toilet cubicle for life to do what they do every after
meal.

Why am I writing such a disgusting topic? Dunno… it just came to my mind. I used to think that I was more anal than
oral… Hindi rin pala. There are people
who smoke and drink more than usual… I’ve realized just now that eating more than usual is also oral
fixation. Expelling food is my body’s
way of getting me back to my regular weight. Kind of boggles the mind. It sure
boggled my nursing friends… Special
thanks to my chums in the front rows… and of course, Sir MJ… hehehe, a girl can
never get too much attention from a cute guy;p A lot of things come into mind when you’re sitting on a cold, dirty
floor inside a toilet cubicle for more than 30 mins… I swear, it felt like
hours. I was thinking to myself… Why do
I always have to go through 2 rounds of barfing to get everything out? It took
long enough to get to the first barf… when is the second wave coming? Never? Aaargh! Ma, I’m gonna stop
working - my anemia, eyesight, brain and tummy are killing me! It’s the fault
of the carinderias near the health center— especially Cuevas bakery with
their addictive eggpie! Haay, tao nga naman… sinisi pa ang pagkain at
carinderia… At least, eating’s still
within my control.  It’s time to eat
like one person — not like four=P Sabi
nga ng mommy ni G Toengi, eat to live – not live to eat. Words, words… I know! 

So this is the reason
why I don’t have bigger salbabidas than I already have—psychosomatic balancing. I just wish I had better discipline to avoid
last Friday’s scenario- what is bangag at windang?  Yes, nakapasok pa ako sa trabaho but my
performance also went down the drain… Sheesh!